3 NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS EVERY PASTOR NEEDS TO MAKE:
1. Spend more time with your wife, and kids if you have them.
A few months ago I was listening to one of my long-distance mentors, Wayne Cordierro, who said one of his biggest regrets in ministry was not spending enough time with his wife. If my mentor/hero recognized this failing, I do not feel ashamed to claim the same lack. I was driven by ministry, by the enthralling joy of studying God's Word, but to a degree, and at times, ministry became a distraction from my first priority in life -- my wife. To be honest we lost out... she lost out on having a husband who prioritized her. Don't get me wrong, I loved my wife as I do now, and we had many precious times together while we were in ministry, but I wasn't as intentional as I should have been. Be intentional about time with your wife.
Be intentional about time with your kids -- not busy times going to the games or events, but quiet, away from busy kinds of times.
2. Retreat, Reflect, Refocus
Ok, that is a three-in-one resolution, but all three can be captured at once. As a pastor, you MUST get away for seasons of retreat, reflection, and refocus. Once again, this was something I lacked while in ministry. The times I did take a personal retreat were the times that spiritual refreshing washed over me and my ministry. While in ministry it was difficult to find personal times of filling -- you know what I mean, those times you felt filled, rather than feeling emptied by the spiritual strain on your life. In addition to personal revival, these times also enabled me to plan message outlines for the next 6 months of ministry -- something I highly recommend.
Retreat: get away from the weight of ministry, and receive from the Holy Spirit.
Reflect: look back over the past year and reflect on what went well and what didn't. Don't necessarily try to fix, simply reflect and offer your reflections up to God; listen to what He says.
Refocus: have you gotten off track, off your calling? Are you simply doing certain things because other pastors or churches are? Nail down the main thing and get back to that!
Be intentional about taking regular retreats, and specifically plan for at least one three day personal weekend away from the church each year: twice a year would even be better.
3. Establish a mentor/coaching relationship.
Maybe you have a mentor; someone who listens, encourages, provides sage advice, and challenges you in areas where you need to grow. But, maybe you do not have that person. Something I highly regret was not having a true mentor. My downfall was thinking someone would find me. The truth is, you will probably have to pursue a mentor. If you are part of a denomination, ask your supervisor for suggestions. Your mentor may even be in your church. Remember, a mentor does not have be in the same profession you are in. As a pastor, you don't by default have to have an older pastor as your mentor -- though I can see many advantages to that. Instead, while on your personal retreat, begin to inquire of the Lord. Who might He suggest as the best mentor for you? Once you know who you want to approach do so. Plan to meet quarterly for a mentor/coaching time. Give them permission to speak candidly into your life. Be prepared with specific questions or lines of thought.
“Something I highly regret was not having a true mentor. My downfall was thinking someone would find me. The truth is, you will probably have to pursue a mentor.”
You might not be one of those people who embrace New Year's resolutions, but I would nudge you to consider these three. Let me know how it goes. My prayer is that the balance in your life contains more peace and margin.
By Tim Johnson