LeaderBuilder Track - STEP 5

OBJECTIVE:
Create a plan to resolve conflict

There are two kinds of conflict. There is conflict in the context of expressing opinions that may be seen as a challenge to other opinions. In other words, you may be in a team meeting where two ideas are contrary. This kind of conflict is less personal than hidden offenses.

In Lencoini’s book, The 5 Dysfunctions of Teams, the number two dysfunction is fear of conflict. “Teams that are lacking trust are incapable of having unfiltered, passionate debate about things that matter, causing team members to avoid conflict, replacing it with an artificial harmony... When working in teams you need to understand that conflict is productive.” Robust debate can be challenging, but it is healthy.

The second kind of conflict finds fertile ground in personal offenses, hurtful misunderstandings, hidden frustrations and such. This second kind of conflict is what is addressed here.

Because this course is intended as an abbreviated resource, time is not given to a detailed conflict resolution plan. Instead, work to hammer out what conflict resolution looks like on your team.

Promise to be a Peacemaker -- It’s biblical

We are all called to be more like Christ. We are called to have the same attitude of Jesus (Philippians 2). Conflict is filled with hurt, misunderstanding, pride, anger, and a myriad other emotions.

As leaders it is our job to work through conflict, especially with each other.

TEAM DISCUSSION:
The following is a brief outline of steps you can take to work through conflict in a biblical way, but take time to write down YOUR process of conflict resolution

1. Define the Problem and Stick to the Issue at Hand. According to an article from Focus on the Family, it is important to clearly define the issue and stay on topic during any discussion. Conflict deteriorates when the issue that started the conflict gets lost in angry words, past issues, or hurts tossed into the mix.

2. Glorify God: Our foundation stone of reconciliation is the common belief that our life should glorify God; churches should too. When we walk in the light, grace, wisdom, and direction of God we bring Him glory. We are determined that in all we do and say God will be glorified, including the process of conflict resolution.

3. Get the Log out of Your Own Eye: As a follow up from the previous point, an internal question to be asked, even before confrontation takes place is, “what in this situation is not glorifying to God?” First, answer this question, reflect on that answer, and if the answer finds itself in you, make necessary changes to move into a place where God is glorified. It is all too easy to blame and criticize others without first looking at yourself in the mirror. You may not even need to confront another if you have already confronted yourself and chosen to change.

Always look for the best in others and consider their side of the story.

4. Go Be Reconciled and Listen Carefully: Set up a time to meet and bring along another member of the team who is a “neutral” party. Communicate your feelings from a restrained place found in your desire for reconciliation. Anger and bitterness have no place in our life (Ephesians 4:29-32). Then sincerely listen to the other person’s perspective. A skill we have lost in our culture is the ability to listen without forming a response in our mind when someone else is speaking.

Next, repeat back to the person speaking to you what you believe they are saying -- this clarifies your understanding and validates their perspective.

While it may feel difficult, forgiveness is the greatest step toward resolution. Focus on the Family (ibid), suggest you make forgiveness concrete with four promises:

• I promise I won’t bring this up and use it against you in the future.

• I promise I’m not going to dwell on it in my own heart and mind.

• I’m not going to talk to other people about it.

• I’m not going to let it stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.

As a reminder of the importance of seeking restoration, Jesus tells us reconcile before you worship, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23–24).

5. Proposing a Solution: Relationship is more important than the issue at hand. Remember your team is a family and healthy families work through issues rather than run from them.

If a change needs to be made, be clear about what that change is and how you will affirm that change is happening.

PATHWAY STEPPING STONE 5: Outline the process -- steps to take -- of conflict resolution: